just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
