you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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