sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
