i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
