Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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