I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
