What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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