How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
