none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
