but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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