i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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