brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
