Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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