Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
