i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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