I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize