Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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