Umm I'm too high to move.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
