i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
