i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
