I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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