I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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