just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize