Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
