dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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