i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
