Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
