When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
