Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
