Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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