how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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