She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
