dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
