Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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