So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
