butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
