I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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