My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am available for nakedness
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