I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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