i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
