i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize