You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
