I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
