Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
