I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
