Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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