You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
