He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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