im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
