This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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