With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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