I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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