Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
