Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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