Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
