So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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