Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
