As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
