I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
