i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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