Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
