so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
