Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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