i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
