i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
