"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
