I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
