she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
