You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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