I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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