I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
