she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
